Bleeding Hearts Chapter 1

Chapter 1

This is not good, I’ve been staring at him too long and too often. I’ve never had this much of an obsession before. He has to be the only guy I’ve ever fallen for at first sight, the only one I’ve felt I could be with together forever. There’s one problem… We’re both guys.
Well, I know it’s not really a problem… Maybe for him it is… But I’ll make him see me somehow.

To start off, my name is Ray. I go to a normal high school in a normal small town. At my high school, although I don’t know many people, there are some to make mention of. The first off is Erik, my friend. He has a one-sided crush on a girl named Kyouka and even though he’s even given her homemade chocolate she still doesn’t realize his feelings. The next is Erik’s best friend, Keane. He’s cold to almost everyone except for Erik, me, and his girlfriend Trinity. Trinity is Kyouka’s cousin and hangs out with her a lot. Kobe is a different story. He has narcolepsy but he’s very mean, which means if he falls asleep, you got lucky. Then there is my teacher… Siege-sensei. Siege-sensei is my age, but he is our teacher. He is a child prodigy and began teaching before I even thought I’d be in high school. Siege is not his real name, but that’s what he likes to be called.
And then there is the person I have yet to introduce. His name is Damien. He is friends with everyone, even Kobe. We’re in different classes but I see him regularly, although I haven’t said a word to him since I moved to this school. I’m not sure he even acknowledges my existence.

The bell rings, a loud sound from the large old clock tower outside. Both I and Erik reluctantly awake from our nice, peaceful sleep and find ourselves face to face with Siege-sensei, making us both slide out of our seats in surprise.
“I’m assuming you’ll have the homework done?” He asks us in a condescending tone.
“Of course!” Erik replies without hesitation. Neither of them are to take light of, which is why Erik gets away with sleeping in class by secretly recording Siege-sensei’s lectures.
We arise from the floor as Siege-sensei turns to walk away. Then, we bolt out of the room in a mad dash to find our place at the library. Being at a boarding school has some downfalls to it, especially if it only has one library that is desired from every student as means of completing homework in the afternoon.
Me and Erik, we always had a certain place at the library, our own little sanctuary corner. We meet Keane there every afternoon to complete our homework. We’re an odd bunch of delinquents, but as long as we get good grades our teachers are happy.
We reach the library and we begin to push open the gigantic doors. It seems the rush is over, for the most part. We open the doors fully and peer inside to see if our corner was safe just in time to see Keane kicking some kids out of our seats. Smiling, we walk in and over to the table and take our seats.
“Thanks for saving our seats.” Erik says as he pulls out his chair and throws his backpack on the table before setting himself down.
“That was cool, how you scared them away.” I say with a big grin on my face. We always congratulated each other when we successfully keep someone from our table.
“It was nothing guys.” Keane answers menacingly. “But you took so long to get here, my homework’s already done.”
“Seriously!?” Erik asks, surprised, leaning forward on the table. Shushes were heard from the others in the library, for his cry had been quite loud. “How’d you do that?” He asks in his normal tone of voice.
“Like you need to know.” Keane replies, kicking Erik from under the table. I laugh and shushes once again rise up from the others.
Erik sits back down and thinks. “Well, if that’s the case,” He says suddenly. “Then we need to get our homework done soon too!” Erik says, holding up the recorder. It was a mystery as to where he kept it, and it was also strange as to when he pulled it out from nowhere every day. He set it between us and pulled out several pair of headphones. He handed one to me, and Keane held out his hand for one of them, I guess to curb his boredom.
Sensei’s rant lasted a very long time and eventually I started to think about other things, my mind began to drift unknowingly to another world. When I awoke, I observed Kyouka, Trinity, and Damien walking in from the big doors. The room was half empty already, and it had apparently been a long time since we started. As to not stare at the three for too long, I glanced over to Erik. He was fast asleep, head against the table and drooling in a big puddle. I looked over to Keane, who was watching the both of us with a big smile on his face. I noticed then that the tape had stopped and he had just been staring at us for a while.
“Have a good nap?” He whispers to me, although there is no need since there is no one near us and Erik can sleep through everything save a mushroom cloud-sized explosion. “Who were you dreaming of?”
“What?” I asked, very confused. I looked around, trying to find something that would tell me the time to no avail. The only possible thing was that the sun was setting outside the gigantic windows of the library. I must’ve looked like I was a wild animal in a new environment, as confused as I looked.
“You were talking in your sleep.” Keane said to me. I snapped to his attention. “You said someone’s name. Couldn’t hear who it was though… you talked too softly.”
“Liar!” I said, then glanced over to Erik, who twitched and continued drooling. “You have the hearing of a dog!” I said to Keane madly.
“Well, maybe I did hear it, but you’ll never know.” He says before he rises from his seat and walks over to Trinity’s table before disappearing through the large doors with her.
I rewound the tape to the assignment and wrote it down. Then I attempted to wake Erik, who, in turn, collapsed on the floor without stirring in the least. I opened my book to the correct page and begin working on the assignment, constantly glancing up at Damien. Finally, my homework is done. Thoroughly pissed off at myself for staring at Damien so much, I slam my book closed, grabbing everyone’s attention. I pack my bag and pick up Erik in an attempt to haul him back to the dorm.
As I dragged him through long halls I was glad he was so short. I passed big windows covered in light cloth, and I noticed one as open, not very uncommon to say the least. I dragged him down stairwells and through long hallways without any stir or complaint. Finally, after a tiring journey that continued almost every day, I reached our room. I propped him up upon his bed and on that note I changed into my nightclothes, which were required, and climbed into bed.

I woke to the noise of banging, a disturbing sound that awoke me every night. It was Kobe, who was our roommate. He had been getting in trouble with Siege-sensei very often lately and was taken out of our class every day for detention. He was given so much homework per day that he would have to stay very late in isolation before he was let go by Siege-sensei, who would also not excuse him to walk the halls at night. He hadn’t been caught yet, but we always hoped he would.
It seemed he had been left out there for a while. I looked around to take in where I was. Erik was sitting in his chair, finally listening to Sensei’s lecture, and Satori was up in his bed reading with a small nightlight on as to not break the lights out policy. They were dealing with the noise so well it surprised me.
“Hey! Let me in!” Kobe says in a loud whisper. “Come on!”
“Who’s there?” A familiar voice called. It was not that of a teacher, it was the vice principal. If he were caught by her, it would end in disaster for him.
I heard the banging stop, and worried just a tad. I knew it was very dark and he was difficult to see, but after a minute I couldn’t stand the thought of my roommates possibly kicking me out one day like this so I arose from my bed and walked over to the door quietly, not turning on the light. I opened the door quietly and saw the light of the flashlight searching for it’s unwilling victim. I heard her loud footsteps approaching. I looked around and I see Kobe pressed against and glued to the wall. He couldn’t move as in fear that I would expose his behavior. I walked into the hall, but he tried to stop me. So, as in retaliation, I pushed him into our room and closed the door.
“Who’s there?” She asks again in the darkness of the hall, her light resting on my face. My hand raised up in defiance to the bright light burning into my eyes. “What are you doing out of your dorm so late at night!?” She asked, her tone bathed in malicious intent.
“I heard you earlier. It woke me up.” I reply, not completely lying. “I was wondering if I could help you, so I came out of my room.” I say as I point to my dorm, only feet away. I was much better at lying than given credit for most of the time. This time I was just hoping my excuse would work.
She paused for a long time, the light not wavering from it’s target. “Okay.” She says, accepting the excuse. “I’m sorry I woke you. Now go back to bed.” She ordered, and moved the light away from my eyes. I slunk back in and closed the door quietly while listening to her leave. I heard her yawn loudly and the heels of her boots clank against the polished tile floors.
I turned around and everyone in the room seemed frozen. Kobe was sitting on the floor, still stunned at the action. Keane continues to read and it makes me wonder if he is even awake, after all, I’ve never seen him asleep since I’ve moved to this school. Erik continues to listen to the lecture while doing the homework in the dark, completely oblivious and still half asleep from earlier. Kobe gets up, acting as if nothing happened, and crawled into the bunk above me. I attempt to go back to sleep also, laying on the bed facing the wall in a futile effort to get the adrenaline out of my system. As I lay there, I hear the familiar sounds of Erik putting his things away and setting himself into his bed. I see the dim light of Keane’s session of reading flicker out. I guess it ran out of batteries. I hear his shift in his top bunk above Erik, of course not waking him at all.
I could tell the bunk above me was occupied, but not by sleep. I heard the springs in the bed above me creak, slowly, stealthily, and I felt the gaze of Kobe on the back of my head. “Thanks.” I hear, very quietly. Then I heard everything fall back into place, and the room was taken over with silence and the wonderful luxury of sleep.

The next morning I woke before the sun rose, let alone everyone else in the room. I felt I was lacking in sleep but I didn’t mind. I changed and left the room in a silence that could even rival Keane’s. I arrived at the garden a few minutes later, the stars still shining in the bright sky, but the golden and scarlet of the sun peeked over the wide horizon of the green grass around the school. I glanced over at the stone benches I planned to situate myself on and something caught my eye. Before I knew it I had a double-take and realized, it was Damien.
I stood in shock for a moment and realized there was nowhere to hide. I also realize he hasn’t noticed me, he’s facing the horizon waiting for the sun. Over the next few seconds I had no idea what had come over me, but at that point it changed my life. I felt as if I needed to possess him, to own him, to make him mine forever. I couldn’t help myself, my mind went blank.
The next thing I knew, I was behind him silently. He hadn’t seen me still, he was too focused on the sun. My arms slowly wrapped around him and he jumped slightly but was too surprised to turn around. I lean down over him and I hear myself start to speak. “You’re mine now.”
The sun rose over the green hills, over us, and before I knew it, I was in class, shaking with Siege-sensei staring at me. I look around and notice the rest of the classroom is empty and it is still an hour before class. I guess Siege-sensei had been staring at me for a few minutes.
“Is something bothering you?” He asks, still having a monotone voice regardless of the situation.
“It’s nothing.” I say, finally fully awaking from my trance. “Ah!” I say as I remember the homework. I pull it out of my backpack and hand it in.
“Very nice work.” He says to me, then stashes it in an unknown place at his desk. “Isn’t there anywhere you want to go this fine morning?” He asks suspiciously. I guess he meant go sleep, like I do every day in his class, but I knew today there was no way I was going to get any sleeping done.
“I think I’ve had enough adventure for this morning.” I answer, smiling artificially.
“Oh, have you?” Sensei asks, obviously rhetorical.
Then, the room became silent for a long time, a time long enough time for me to once again begin thinking, long enough for me to not realize students were slowly filtering into the room. I awoke as the loud bell tolls outside, signifying school is now in session. I look around me to see everyone in the early morning daze they are every morning and I realize Erik is sitting next to me, setting up his magically appearing tape recorder and then situates himself in a comfortable position to sleep. For this one day I decide to take notes, to keep my mind off of this morning. Sensei continuously over the next hour of class, I’m sure he was wondering if there really was something wrong with me.
The bell rang again, the signal for the first break. Even though we spent all day in one class with one teacher, we were allowed ten minutes in-between sessions to wander. I immediately stand up and walk out of the room, eyes glaring at me all the way, curiously inspecting my movements. I rushed down the hallway in search of Damien’s class. I had no idea what to say, but I knew I had to say something. I open the doors and walk in without a second glance from anyone, luckily. I walked over to Damien’s desk, who seemed surprised to see me. I was sure his look was filled with confusion, but I looked away when he looked up at me. “Hey,” I say once I reach his desk. “I’m sorry about this morning, about being so blunt.” I apologize as I lean down onto the desk, continuing to avert my eyes. I hear him stutter, then stop. I guess he’s at a loss for words. “But,” I continue. “I do like you, so I’ll be coming here every day.” I say forcefully, lifting my arm off the desk and walking out of the room. What was I thinking?
I didn’t go back during the breaks for the rest of the day, nor did I sleep. I did my homework in class, giving me a lot of free time. Then our schedule went along just as it did every day. We met Keane in the library at our normal seats. Erik falls asleep yet again, like his normal nocturnal self. I can’t help but think, and all I could think of was him.
The huge doors of the library creaked open, allowing a visitor to pass through. It was Trinity, Kyouka, and Damien. Damien immediately looked over to me, I guess he did know I existed. I looked away from his eyes and Keane noticed the gesture.
“Come on.” He says to me, getting up.
“What?” I ask, having a slightly confused tone in my voice. I had no idea what he wanted me to do.
“Let’s go see them.” He answers me. I was very confused at this point. Had Damien told Trinity and Kyouka about this morning? Had they told other people? I was so paranoid that I had not noticed that somehow, magically, Keane had awoken Erik and in a dazed action both of us had followed Keane to the table that was inhabited by the three objects of our affection.
“Hey, how about all six of us go somewhere?” Keane asks confidently, not looking for any refusal. “It’ll be like a triple date, only not.”
Both me and Erik attempt to speak, which was useless since we were in such a trance. I could tell we were thinking the same thing, ‘I can’t do this, but I wish it was a triple date…’.
“It sounds good to me.” Trinity answers without any time to consider.
“Well, if she’s going I’ll go.” Kyouka answers after a few moments of consideration of the act.
Damien begins to stutter again, looking up at me before he speaks. “W-well, since everyone else is going, I’ll go too.” He finally says.
I was nerve-wracked. I didn’t think he would accept, even if Trinity and Kyouka were going. I would have to make a special effort not to bother him.
“We still have plenty of time before sunset, we should all go out and have fun.” Keane says, making a gesture for everyone to follow him. Trinity immediately got up and clung to his arm. Kyouka followed near Trinity, of course attracting Erik’s attention and he runs up to walk right behind her. The last two were me and Damien. He looked like he had something to say, but it seemed it was impossible for him.
“You first.” I say, smiling. I didn’t want to disturb him any more than I already had, although in the back of my mind I knew I would.
He rises silently and walks toward the door, trying to catch up to the others. I trot after them, eventually catching up to and walking next to Erik, who is still trying to work up the courage to talk to Kyouka.
“What? You’re not walking with Damien?” He asks me in a low whisper.
“Of course not.” I say madly, although I know I’m blushing. Erik snickers at me and pushes me back in the line, forcing me into an uncomfortable silence next to Damien. I knew perfectly well where Keane was leading us, and I hated him for it. We couldn’t leave the campus, but it had everything, so we didn’t need to leave. And when I mean everything, I mean even a park decorated to the brim. It was the middle of spring and everything was beginning to bloom. Damien bumped hands with mine and I jumped, scaring him in turn.
“Sorry!” We both said at the same time. We were very nervous.
Keane lead us to the park and situated us all near the pond, which was finely furnished with a wooden bridge. He set down at the edge of the pond, holding Trinity’s hand and observing the fish. Kyouka sits directly next to Trinity and Erik sits directly next to her, trying to impress her in any way he can, and failing miserably. Damien and I were last to arrive and Damien situated himself away from the others, near the water. He already looked lonely and he hadn’t even really done anything yet. I hesitated, then decided to sit next to him. He pokes the water and watches the fish attempt to eat the nonexistent food that didn’t fall into the water. I smile, such a childish act. I watch him, and surprisingly, a small smile grows.
We sit there for what seems like only a few minutes, but I hear the chatter of the others flow at a surprisingly fast rate for such a relaxing atmosphere. Then I realize, a lot of time has passed without my notice. Keane rises from his seat in the grass and motions for all of us to head back. The other three immediately rise and follow. I ready myself to get up, but I wait for Damien. He looks me straight in the eye and stands up, and I stand up too.
“Um… er…” He says, avoiding my gaze now. “Uh…” He continues. “Eh…” Before he could continue any further, My arms quickly wrap around him and pull him close. I can feel him begin shaking, but my grasp remains constant.
“Nothing needs to be said.” I say. I guess I sound foolish. After a minute, I finally let him go. He’s left there in a stunned daze, but then I take his hand and lead him off back toward the school before he could say anything more.

That night, Erik had already gone to bed and was fast asleep. In the end, he never caught Kyouka’s attention. I had taken his chair by the door and waited for Kobe to get here. Keane read his extremely long novel on his bed, in the dim light of the nightlight. Then I heard a knocking on the door. I got up and opened it slowly, quietly. It was Kobe, and he looked exhausted. I cleared the path for him and he climbed into the top bunk unsteadily. It was slightly hysterical, but I had no room to laugh, nor should I since as that moment passed I heard the heavy clickings of the vice-principal’s boots once again haunting the halls in the dead of night.
After my deed was done, I placed myself on top of my blanket and thought. My eyes refused to close, my heart refused to slow, my body refused to relax. I sat and thought, and I waited. Finally, my vision disappeared and it was apparent that I had fallen asleep.

The next morning, my eyes snapped open at the same time as yesterday. I got up and changed, and headed out to the benches. It would be a perfect place for thinking, and it had to be a coincidence that Damien had been there the day before.
I climbed down the flights of stairs and opened the doors to the nice, cool air before the sun rose. I trotted toward the stone benches in the garden, not wanting to miss one second of the sun rising.
I turned the corner and someone caught my eye. It was Damien, again.
“Hey.” I say as I approach. He looks up at me this time, and again begins stuttering. I smile and sit down next to him, which makes him stop. Both of us look on the horizon and find the sun, slowly climbing up the dark blue of the night sky. I turn my attention away from the beautiful sight to something even better. I lean in close near him and hesitate, I don’t want to make another mistake. My face is so close to his, and he looks at me directly in the eye. I can’t help it, I move in even closer and, it might have been just my imagination, but it seemed like he leaned in too. Our lips brushed, and before I knew it I was in Sensei’s class, shaking like a leaf, handing in my assignment from the day before.

Over the next few months, not much changed for me. I didn’t mind, the routine made me happy. I would wake up in the morning to go out and watch the sun rise with Damien, then I would wind up in Sensei’s class, of which I actually did the work in now. My grades were going up and happily I would always go visit Damien during the breaks between class. I would hang out with Erik, Keane, Damien, Kyouka, and Trinity after school in the library. I guess I underestimated Kyouka and Trinity, they were much more fun than I gave them credit for. Kobe and I became friends, although I think it’s more like a truce. I let him in at night, even wait up for him sometimes, and he refrains from yelling at me. It’s actually quite peaceful save Erik, who didn’t change in the least. He was bulletproof to the world changing around him. Everything was going very smoothly, especially with Damien. Although our relationship only progressed a small amount in the months that followed, it seemed we became closer. He even built up the courage to talk to me on a regular basis. I was happy, very happy, until…

I woke up early in the morning once again, like every morning, to go meet Damien to watch the sun rise. He greeted me at the bench and we watched the sun before we headed to class together. By now, we were holding hands and everyone had adjusted to us.
When I came to visit him on break, he seemed a bit different, as if something had happened. “What’s wrong?” I asked him, but all he did was stutter in reply. I was agitated all day waiting to get time alone with him to talk. After school, I waited in the library with vigilant Keane and the ever-drowsy Erik. The long anticipated doors opened, and only Kyouka and Trinity walked through.
“Where’s Damien?” I asked them, immediately walking over.
“He said that he wasn’t feeling well, so he went to his room.” Kyouka answers, and by the end of her sentence I was gone.
I rushed down the corridor toward Damien’s room and slammed open the door. I find him with his head down sitting on the small chair in his room. I had never been to his room before, but I knew something was wrong. It was only a one room dorm with a bed, a chair, and a large bookshelf. The bed sheets were dismantled and the books strewn on the floor indicated something underhanded had gone on. I rush to Damien.
“Are you okay!?” I ask, very concerned and expecting that maybe the person who had done this had hurt him. He looks up at me, tears forming in his eyes. Immediately I pull him close and attempt to comfort him. “I’ll protect you.” I tell him quietly, trying to quell his sadness.
I stayed with him all night, but he never told me what happened. It was unnerving, especially when I had to leave. I couldn’t take the thought of it while sitting in class. I wanted to be next to Damien. I wanted to protect him. I knew he was absent from class today, so even during break I did not leave. Anger was boiling in my veins, I couldn’t even concentrate on the work. After school, I ran back to Damien’s room only to find the door locked and him missing. I searched the whole school during the afternoon. There was no square inch of the school that I did not attempt to check. It neared the end of the day and I was still looking for him desperately. It was my second time rounding the school when I finally spotted something resembling Damien. In the dim light of the setting sun, there he was, on the benches we sat at every morning. I saw him cradling something. I move closer, and I see it. He was cradling his bloodied hand, which was wrapped in a ragged cloth. Tears were streaming down his face in a desperate attempt to escape the pain. I run over to him as fast as I can and attempt to examine his wound. He rips his torn hand away from me in defiance.
“What happened!? Who did this to you!?” I demanded from him. “Let me see it! Let me help you!” I kept persisting. I could hear my voice get louder and I could feel tears running down my face, but I was not the one controlling them.
Then, he looked away from me. “Go away.” He said quietly. I was dumbstruck and speechless. Then he turned to me, and our eyes met. “Go away! I never want to see you again! I HATE YOU!” He yelled at me.
I felt myself fall backwards, I was too stunned to retaliate. He walked off in an enraged state. His words rang through my ears over and over again. The sun set, and the end of our time together had been finalized by the last dim glow suddenly disappear from the sky.

The weeks that followed were very lonely. I didn’t go out to watch the sunset in the morning, nor did I go to Damien’s classroom. I did my best to watch over him from afar, I would watch him from the window when he was outside. His hand got better, but sometimes I would see a new bruise or cut on him and had to refrain.
It turns out that Erik would also be leaving to live with his hated step-father until next year. He’d be going to a pretty prestigious school while he was gone, and he’d get back a week before winter break. Keane would also be leaving for the summer, going to his parent’s vacation home, taking Trinity with him. Kyouka would be staying for half the summer, but I’m not expecting her to be much fun, she’s been sad lately for a reason unknown to me. It would only be me and Kobe over the summer, refused from our households.
I didn’t know if Damien was leaving for summer or not. I was worried about his health. I always thought of him.
Regardless of how much time it would take, I was determined to find out what had happened…
And I was going to stop it.